Saturday, October 31, 2015
The Inner Workings Of A Blogging Mother's Mind
It was with nervous trepidation that I drafted the first entry on this dusty old blog - some nonsensical piece of fluff. Back then, I had no idea what I was going to write about and no idea what keeping a blog would bring to my life - a community, an income, a place to document life at home with young children, a creative outlet and after a while, the source of much inner turmoil about what to share, when to share and how much was too much.
Over the years I've fluctuated between writing with ease about things that matter (mostly myself because you know, how fabulously interesting) and feeling conflicted about what I'm putting out into the world wide inter-webs. THERE ARE CREEPS OUT THERE YOU KNOW????!!!!
Sharing things about myself was fine but as the mother of 3 young children who also featured heavily in my self involved musings - the water water began to look murky.
I'd written the tales of two children and tentatively shared the birth of another. Our ups, our downs our messes and our made beds. I'd typed it all out through mild depression, anxiety and the odd random elated sleep-ins.
Despite recording almost all of our most precious family memories at The Beetle Shack, some how, at some point in time I decided it was no longer appropriate to share pictures of my kids on this here blog spot. They, along with the world wide web, were getting to big and it ceased to seem suitable to share them.
So I cut it out. Just like that.
By blogging addiction died a death and I stopped carrying my camera everywhere I went. HOW BLOODY LIBERATING!
It felt good to be set free from the self induced shackles of The Beetle Shack.
It's been about a year since I regularly updated this space and as I flick through it's archives, I desperately miss it. I regret that there is a year of my kids lives that I haven't documented. I regret that my fabulous little Elke has rarely graced this blogs pages and I miss writing little stories in my head about our days.
The other afternoon the 5 of us walked a near by beach (most of us clothed, Elke fully nude) as the sun began to set I yearned to record our adventure. Why? Because it was perfect- it was exactly how I want my kids to remember their childhood and it was exactly how I want to remember raising them. With the sun on our back, the ocean in our ears and the sand at our feet (and our hair and eyes and bum cracks).
So I sit here with an Aldi beer (dudes, get on that, it's good) cradled by a crocheted stubby holder crafted by an very early blogging mate and I think, oh little beetle shack baby blog - I love the memories that you hold. I love that this crazy modern world lead me to write down our dreary days. I love that my kids will have a record of what life was like when they were young and I hope that in the craziness of now, I can continue to capture the occasional moment on this dot com.
Hey blog. Nice to see you.