2014 has been a tricky one for this online blog spot - The Beetle Shack - I've blogged less than ever before but I've not thought about it any less. I still translate my daily experiences into stories in the back of my mind while brushing my teeth. The undeniable urge to write my kids early years down still burns as does the desire to unpack tales from my own childhood. But life changes and evolves and grows and so does the internet. While I still yearn to document - I not longer feel compelled to share those stories publicly.
When I began writing The Beetle Shack some 3 or 4 years ago blogging was different machine. It was (or at least it felt like) a small and diverse community of mothers/women/people who were seeking an open dialogue - a non judgemental discussion about life in the right now. About parenting though the sleep deprivation, cleaning though the sleep deprivation, cooking through the sleep deprivation and God willing, actually sleeping occasionally.
Women shared stories about their lives at home. Real and honest stories about struggles and triumphs. In turn, the online (mummy blogger) community would throw out love and compassion like confetti. There was plenty to go around and through my very early days as a mother I felt SUCH a strong sense of support right here at The Beetle Shack. Even my mother would make note of this remarkable blogging community.
We really did have something good going on. Did you feel it? Or was it just me in a self indulgent frenzy?
It seems like things have changed now - connection has changed… or maybe my life has simply moved on.
I no longer have time to read gorgeous blogs while my babies sleep and I no longer have lingering feelings of Post Natal Depression that I need to unload.
I'm glad I did though. Emotional instability is a remarkable thing!
I'm glad I over shared here. I'm grateful for the support - it really was fundamental in those hazy days of self doubt and mother guilt. But mostly, I'm glad I over shared here because I never want to forget what it was REALLY like to be a young stay at home mum.
I never want to forget that I am equal parts excellent and equal parts average. I never want to forget that parenting is not a job to be conquered - it's a journey. A rocky, narrow path.
So, while The Beetle Shack will go on, my personal accounts won't.
My kids are bigger now. They are irresistible to me and I love them with a passion I've never known. It's huge and overbearing. It makes me fierce and anxious and quivering all at once- with any luck that will never change.
They have their own stories now. Fairy tales filled with dungeons and dragons and queens and knights. They're not mine to tell anymore so I'm going to stop.
In 2015 The Beetle Shack will change. But it will be a good change, I promise.
If you're someone who has emailed, commented or inboxed me with kindness over the past 4 years, THANK YOU.
How weird. What a strange post to write! I feel like I'm breaking up with my own blog!!
Anyways, Dave has just called me to go and have a walk though at the garden (the light is lovely) so with that, I will bid you adieu!*
Have a beautiful evening lovebirds and an even better Christmas!!
Lots of totally wired overly affectionate virtual love
*because I'm like, so French now.