Wednesday, October 8, 2014

WEARING | A WORD ABOUT DRESS SIZE {and what I think about what you think about me}








Last week a charming 'anonymous' commenter challenged me on my pant size. No really, they did.

Apparently i'm 'NOT' a size 10. Or if I am, I must be taking my photo's with a wide angle lens.

Here's the thing. I get it, I totally do.

I can't believe I wear a size 10 either. It's nuts. I'm one very well covered woman. I've got fat that escapes my undergarments. I've got fat that escapes my size 10 jeans. I've got fat fingers, fat feet and a double chin.

It's not glamorous, but there you have it.

I'm about 154 cm tall and I weigh a shocking 68 kilos. Just to put things into perspective, I weighed 48 kilos on my wedding day and over 80 kilos when I walked out of the hospital with my 3rd baby.

I've been skin and bones and I've been a hell of a lot bigger than I am now and guess what. I really don't care.

I'm a real person. A real mother. A real women in size 10 jeans (with a lot of stretch).

To be fair, there was ONE time in my life when I really genuinely invested my emotional energy into the size and shape of my body. I was 16.

I've moved on.

Yet here I sit on my generous arse justifying my pant size to a bunch of strangers.

What am I thinking?

This is not the issue here.

When will we women stop?

When will we stop the righteous judgement?

The judgement on the way another chooses to raise their child. The way they decide to spend their money, the food they choose to eat, the size of their jeans, the religion they follow or whether they decide to work or stay at home?

It's exhausting. And boring.

I'm all for discussion and opinions but can we leave the nastiness at the door?


WEARING

Summer Striped Dress in Red and White | size small (GASP)

96 comments:

  1. No She Didn't! That is sooooo rude. For the record, you are total babe town. I have also weighed 48kgs at one point, 80 just after having a baby and am a comfortable 68 right now. My size 10 jeans don't have any arguments when I pull them on every day. I am glad you posted this, not only because you awesome in troll take downs but also because I didn't know what size Bo-trade jeans to order and now I do. Size ten baby, and they can kiss my squishy ass too.

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  2. YES!! Well said! Agree with every word you have written!

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  3. Well said Emily i don't why people are cruel and nasty ,how dare they tell you you're not the size you stated you were,rudeness should not be allowed only kindness Xx Lisa Mckenzie

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  4. Hear hear!! Rudeness and nastiness don't belong online I say. Keep it in your head if you've got nothing nice to say.

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  5. Sizes are bollocks. I have, sitting in my closet right now anything from a size 10, through to a size 20. True story. It's how you feel that counts and if you feel fabulous, you look fabulous. period. SO in conclusion, you must feel fab coz you definitely look it!!!! =D

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  6. This is why we love you Emily! Thankyou xx

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  7. Some people are just disgusting individuals. This is your space, no one has the right to come here and judge you or leave negative comments.
    As for sizes, I can be a 14 in one shop and an 18 in another, every shops sizing is different. I've even bought the same pair of jeans in two colours and the sizes were different. But who cares? Seriously! Do people really have so little to do with their lives than to pick fault with others? We should be supporting each other not dragging each other down.
    I think you're beautiful, always have ever since I started reading your blog. xx

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  8. Good for you! Bloody people, get a bloody life! I had to turn off my anonymous commenting from the blog as I was getting nasty comments too. About my life... totally random. Anyway you always look gorgeous to me! xx

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  9. Yes. We CAN totally just leave the nastyness (and bitchiness) at the door. You look fabulous. And real. Hell, that's why we love you so much! xxxx

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    Replies
    1. Please Em, don't be discouraged by this ONE person, when you receive so much positive feedback from everyone else. I love your style posts. And your bohemian label. So very clever, you are. x

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  10. Size Shmize! We are all adorable! I just wish someone would teach me how to shop. Shopping totally overwhelms me. By the way, we are on the same level, so when that time comes that we could have a real cuddle, our boobies will be friends too :) xx

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    Replies
    1. AHAHAHHA you are THE BEST!!! I can't wait to hug your boobs. Oh wait….

      ahahah

      xxx

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  11. So ridiculous. None of it matters...not even the dress size, it means nothing - I weigh 60kg, am 10cm taller than you and possess many size 12 pairs of pants AND size 10s. It's obvious, considering so many of these are so uncomfortable that dress size is not a perfect system and it's also obvious this person is reflecting their uncomfortable feelings onto you. I hope they know there is help out there, that's all I can think of, they obviously need some and it's not been seen to yet.

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  12. Hear hear!
    And yes, let's please just all move on…you are so right…it is all so exhausting and boring and pointless.

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  13. I can't believe the hide of some people!

    We are almost the exact same height & weight so people must be looking at me thinking I'm fat too! I don't care either! Like you I've been both ends of the weight spectrum but with age has come an acceptance of what my body is. I no longer spend time worrying over the number on the scales or the size of my pants. I live a good life full of good food & good times. That's enough for me :)

    I'm really sad you had to right this post but I applaud you for not letting the mean girls win. Go Em xx

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  14. wow. that makes me feel so sad.
    i feel so worn out from the internet and it's nastiness.
    what have we become.
    glad u wrote this but sad you had to.

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    Replies
    1. Ditto exacto Ruth!! I'm so completely over online meanies. And really bloody well said Em! Sophiexx

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  15. Bravo, well said!!

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  16. Great dress. It looks so comfy. I love a dress with pockets.

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  17. Yay for you and size 10 and yay for the amazing women in size 20, because we say it's whats on the inside that counts, but when are we all going to actually start acting and talking like it's true?

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  18. Wow. Just wow. Some people, hey? Nicely handled.

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  19. Some people must be in such an ugly space to say things like that. Put others down to make themselves feel better and all that... Em, I think you look amazing!! So much so, that I have bought your Bohemian Trader clothes based on how they look on you, not the models on your website! For the record, I'm only 150cm, weighed 60kg on my wedding day, weighed 80kg after my 2nd baby and 5 years on I weigh 83kg (say what??!!) AND on the advice of Styling You, I tried on (and got up) some size 12 skinny jeans the other day!! Oh yes I did!! Ended up actually buying the next size up but just goes to show!

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  20. It's SO exhausting!! I don't know how you blogger gals do it! I commend you & love you all for putting your real selves out there for us all to see! You're beautiful & real & that's enough! ❤️❤️❤️

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  21. Oh wow, the amount of ass hats in the world is OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. I love you and your size 10 everything xxx

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  22. Amen! I'm a size "4," but am in my twenties. To be honest, I sometimes worry about going up in size, because I wouldn't know how to make myself look good anymore. When I found your blog, I was super duper excited, because you are (1) gorgeous, (2) confident and comfortable, and (3) incredibly stylish. You should be travelling the world, teaching women how to dress and flatter themselves :)

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  23. A-fucking-men to that. (Or A-fucking-woman, as the case may be.) I look at the young girls and women before me at Girl Guides and think every single time, how do I teach you not to care and to be the very best version of yourself you can be? Gee sus. Geez. REALLY! A stranger actually said that to you? Farkkkkkk.

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  24. Yeah, but Em you just made me and maybe a few other people feel really really yuck when you called 68kgs shocking. I'd love to weigh that much and am flogging myself to get there but am about 10kgs off. To hear my goal weight called shocking burns just as much as it might to be called "not size 10."
    I know you mean well but maybe there is more to life than being skinny or not skinny or not caring about being skinny. ?

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    1. Rin, did you read the post? You are spot on, there is more to life about our size which is exactly what I'm saying here.

      Rin, this blog is not about you or how you feel. It's a personal blog about my life, my thoughts and my feelings (self indulgent, I know). I have absolutely no control over how you feel about what I say, that's all up to you.

      I hope you feel gorgeous just as you are and I hope you're happy with life and your true self just as you are but I can't shape it, control it or speak into it. That's your job.

      Have a great day

      Em

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    2. p.s my use of the word 'shocking' was tongue in cheek, used to amplify how ridiculous it is that we care about dress size and the numbers game. It was not intended to make anyone feel bad about their weight (or size of their jeans).

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  25. You look great! I love the dress on you...so chic and effortless.

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  26. Brava! You are beautiful, lady!

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  27. A size is but a number on a label. Weight just a number on a scale. Who you are reaches so far beyond any of that and you're a shining star to many women. Keep sparkling. x

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  28. Beautifully written !! A shame you had to touch on the ridiculous subject of weight/size at all, but sadly there will always be blank minded, desperate women whose lives are so devoid of any genuine, deep and significant meaning that trivialities like what size jeans some one must be wearing, become their focus. Three cheers for beautiful, intelligent, young women like you who say it like it is !

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  29. Hi Emily - just wanted to say how REFRESHING it is to follow the blog of a REAL woman! I've been following Beetle Shack (Bex introduced you to me) for some months now and am really enjoying the creativity, the honesty, and the way you open us up to new ways of seeing things. Particularly love the snippets on Family from time to time. Please don't ever change!

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  30. Not glamorous??? Are you kidding! You are TOTALLY GLAM!!!!!!!!!!! I admire you style SO MUCH! And now I'm tickled pink to learn that you are a shorty like me....I'm 153cm (knee-high to a grasshopper). YAY for short mumma's. Love every word - Thanks Em. You are beautiful in more ways than one. This made my day! xx

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  31. Size, weight, even height - they're all just numbers and there is no number to define fabulousness. And that's exactly what you are Em, fabulous! And gorgeous.

    The internet is home to some horrible people, but (I like to think) many more lovely ones. Don't let one nasty anonymous person outshine all the other kind ones who ADORE you and your style xx

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  32. I love this and was sending you a virtual hi 5! Size is a number just like our age. I've been everything from a 12-22 over the last 20 years and gained 30kg with chemo...and had no bloody hair 😀 I feel sad for women who need to judge and tear down or pick apart other women, what turmoil they must be in. We all have the ability to be beautiful at any size but it starts on the inside, beautiful hearts make for beautiful shells.

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  33. That really is the one thing that scares me on the internet... silly people that have no right to say mean things to someone they don't even know!! I was brought up with the mantra 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' and my mind boggles at the fact that other people don't have the common courtesy and respect to adhere to this mantra as well!! Incidentally, this was the first post I read on your blog and I immediately have total respect for you! You are absolutely beautiful and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise! (And I'm pretty sure your too awesome to let that happen anyway!) ;) happy blogging.

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  34. LOVE! Everyone is different shapes sizes and no one should judge. I have been judged for being tall and skinny - when I would love some womanly curves. I admire your beautiful clothing and your realness, you are gorgeous. I get tired of seeing people judge others lives online - glad to see you chose to be direct rather than ignore your rude anonymous commenter. xo

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  35. As long as you're healthy and happy, who cares. Mind you, I do see some of the before/after weight loss stories in magazines and when they "say" they're now in a size 10 - yet their measurements are more generous than mine (I'm a size 14 mostly) - I know it's a load of rot ...

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  36. I know I don't comment half as much as I think too but this post is spot on - though sad to read what sparked it. We live in such a critical age of the physical form! We "know" so much about health/fitness/bmi etc... yet are no happier (or healthier!)

    I find it fascinating that in vintage patterns (from the 1960s-70s) the classic dimensions of a now size 10 was a size 12 then - and that US sizes are about 4-6 numbers lower than their UK/AUS equivalents. In short, clothes sizes are capricious and unreliable and say knowing of our unique shapes! At the end of the day I want to wear clothes that flatter my shape - and for this pregnant lady are comfortable and forgiving too! Bless you xx

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  37. Oh and I forgot to say, you are utterly gorgeous!

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  38. I love that you said judgement of others is boring. YES. YES. YES. So very boring. What I love THE MOST about this post is that it is a real woman of real experience who is not the same size as she was when she was 18 - or prepubescent as Hollywood would like us all to be from here unto infinity. It is beyond refreshing to read when other women fight out against the idea that at 30 or 40 or whatever age we should still be the same shape and size we were at 18. Erin McKean said, “You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.” I'm coming up on my 20 year high school reunion on Saturday and over the past couple weeks anytime I think about how people are going to notice I've gained weight since high school, I stop and remind myself of that quote. I don't owe the people I knew when I was 18 "prettiness." And, anyway, truth be told, I think I'm much more interesting body and soul now. 18 was when I was letting everyone else tell me how I should look and dress. Boring.

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  39. Hi Em,

    Sadly a height of 154cm and weight of 68kg suggests that your BMI is about 28-29. This would indicate that you are overweight.

    We should be encouraging women to be fit and healthy, and not celebrating poor lifestyle choices (especially for our children - where 1 in 4 Australian children are overweight or obese).

    If we as mother's don't model healthy bodies, then unfortunately the cycle continues for our children.

    - Jacquelyn

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    1. What the hell?!?!

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    2. Newsflash to "Jacquelyn" that she's the one who's not "encouraging women" here. Whether Em has a BMI of whatever to "indicate she is overweight" or not is hardly the point. She may be and she may not be. What her post actually indicates is that she is a courageous woman who is willing to be real about struggles that most of us share regarding body and weight. A lot of us could probably make better choices about toward being fit and healthy. In the real world, we work (whether that's in an office or staying home with children), often long hours, with lots of responsibilities and we get tired. We crave sugar, we sleep in instead of go for a run, we start our diets tomorrow, we make sure our kids eat better than we do, we sit and watch while our kids practice soccer and dance and what not, we drink wine with friends, we indulge in chocolate, we live life. We can do all this and not be a size zero. We can do all this and be honest about it. And we can sure as hell celebrate it, Jacquelyn.

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    3. Jacquelyn SpiritosOctober 9, 2014 at 7:05 PM

      Thanks Joyluck,

      I think you would have to be particulalrly courageous in the face of potential heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, fatigue, anxiety and depression, cancer, osteoarthritis, stroke and sleep apnea.

      Now, THAT would be more of a struggle than the challenges of working and caring for children.

      Enjoy your wine and chocolate,

      -Jacquelyn

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    4. Would have to agree with Jacquelyn here, get off your computer and go for a bloody run. Yes 68kg at your height is SHOCKING.

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    5. very sad people get a life and leave her alone...still hiding anonymous! put a photo up and let everyone judge you? Jacquelyn you are very rude she is healthy leave her alone. idiots!

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    6. Sigh.
      When we read Em's blog, or anyone's blog, we get a lovely snippet and insight into her day-to-day life, her thoughts, feelings, opinions and emotions. A little window into life at The Beetleshack.
      Are we here, though, to define, label and judge a woman's weight or size with a number that we've taken it upon ourselves to calculate? Are we here to use this number to tell her that she is 'celebrating poor lifestyle choices', tell her that she is not 'modelling a healthy body' and potentially setting herself up for a range of life-threatening diseases?
      If that IS the reason we're here, to me, it says a lot more about who WE are as people than it does about who Em is.
      I love your blog, Em. You encourage and inspire women to be nurturing, kind, creative, loving mothers, and you illustrate it ALL. Nothing about you is false, there's no pretense. It's so relatable because it is real. There are up days, down days, busy days, happy days, angry days, there are days with cheese sandwiches for dinner, and yes, there are days with, lord forbid, WINE AND CHOCOLATE (DUH DUH).

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  40. This. Is. Awesome. Beautiful lady x

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  41. I'm speachless. I simply do not understand why someone would take the time to write something like that to you. You're a beautiful woman, be you and be proud x

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  42. Grrr comment eaten - basically just wanted to say that I think you are beautiful inside and out and am completely bewildered that people would say something like this to you. End of the day, these people are just jealous. They are angry about something and they feel the need to take it out on someone and they are very brave doing it via the internet. I have bought clothes from your online shop and have done so because of how you look in them and not the models. We are a different body size but you rock those clothes and need to keep rocking those clothes for all to see! xxx

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  43. In the words of one of my favourite quotes: Don't try to win over the haters. You aren't the jackass whisperer. I think you're gorgeous. And you're totally rocking that striped dress (so much so that I want one myself for my also size 10 with a few lumps and bumps body). Here's a post I wrote last year about coming to terms with my body and why it's important to me that I realise all the great things I can do rather than what I (and other women) deem are imperfections http://blondeambition.com.au/2012/10/25/love-thy-body/ x

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  44. "jackass whisperer" -- love that!

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  45. I had no idea of my size. I wore maternity clothes and made my clothes. This was until I went retail shopping for the first time in three years. I needed basic black work pants. I was anywhere from a size 6 all the way through to a 14. Sizes vary, so do women. Besides that what a rude person! Who would be so bloody hung up on someone else's size?

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  46. The rudeness of some people is unbelievable!!! You look gorgeous in everything you wear Em, and I would tell her, and anyone else to stick it where the sun don't shine xxx

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  47. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Hot and round.

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    2. Let me guess Janine,

      You're morbidly obese?

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    3. why are you hiding anonymous? show us what you've got..say that to my face size 12 what are you? you despicable human.

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  48. At least you have a nice face Em.

    Xxxsar

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  49. 1. good for you for sticking up for yourself
    2. who cares what size you are you are healthy and beautiful.
    3. people who are trolls are the lowest scum hiding behind their computer.

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  50. I'm just going to say one last thing and then I'm going to turn the comments off on this post as I feel it's getting a bit silly.

    DIVERSITY

    It's okay to be different. It's okay. We're all different and it's a good thing. Some people are into craft and some people are into running.

    I weigh 68 kilos and I'm okay.

    I'm not svelte like I used to be (but I will be svelte again… within reason). I have spent the past 6 years having babies- that's some hard work on any woman's body and my body looks just like it should at this stage of my life. It's all right. I promise.

    I may die of cancer or heart disease, who knows. But what I do know is that I won't die from a brief stint of having a BMI of 29 when I was 31. For now I'll try to live well and without fear of my imminent departure.

    If you're felling stressed about my weight, shape or the size of my denim. Please don't.

    I'm all right.

    Thanks for your comments. It's been real.

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    Replies
    1. Oh Em, I can't believe people can be so awful. It makes me so sad reading all that nastiness. You are beautiful and amazing. I think those people are simply jealous, and idiots. xoxo

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  51. Even worse Em, you're only 31 with such a high BMI.

    I thought you were at least 40.

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  52. Is there anything worse than pretentious Christian women doing entire blog posts on how fat/skinny/confidant/insecure they are?

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  53. I am 154cms, weigh 68kgs and wear size 10 jeans. Clearly we are more than the number suggests...yes soo much more. That is what awesomeness does to women ;)

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  54. My gawd... ignore the haters. Truly. I don't have anything more to add really... just wanted to add my little voice of support for women in general, whatever their shape or size... and for you specifically. Rock on, 68 kilos and all!!

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  55. People need to stop being assholes about stuff that really doesn't matter. People are dying from ebola. Others are being beheaded for delivering aid to people in need. And everyday people are fighting for their lives to beat diseases like cancer.

    Really people?

    Perspective. Go and fight a battle worth fighting. This isn't one of them. Don't make people feel shit just because something ain't right in your own life. Do something to change it. Meditate. Go for a walk. Go out to dinner with your husband. Donate to charity. Donate your time. DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING BUT HATE.

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    1. And sorry you constantly have to put up with this Em. I know you're a good egg, you know you're a good egg. I don't give two hoots what the number is on the tag inside your jeans. I can tell you mine is bigger, but I like us both.

      And Em, everybody's talk bout your pants: http://youtu.be/Nv7Ts4v5_Bs

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    2. Here- perfect example. FAT mum slim? Good god, your poor children are going to end up modelling this ideal?

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    3. I love your comment Chantelle and that youtube link = pure awesomeness.

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  56. I think you are gorgeous and fabulous. End of story!

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  57. Just have to say I LOVE your style posts because you always look amazing in what you're wearing. It's nice to be able to look at a real mum rocking her clothes rather than only being able to see rake thin, leggy models in clothing and then having to do mental gymnastics to try and imagine how they would look on a different shape. Keep being gorgeous and don't let the haters get you down! xx

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  58. People are forgetting that it's still Emily's choice whether she is overweight or not, what foods she eats and whether she exercises. If she is comfortable in her (rather large) skin, then so be it. Big is beautiful to some.

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  59. My daughter & I Love following your blog .
    i recently took a few days of social media as I thought I would explode from seeing the many nasty comments on so many of the sit.es I follow , hurting close family , friends & professional people .the internet has provide a very easy & cowardly way for people to express comment that they wouldnt say to the person face .
    "ïf you cant say some thing nice dont say anything at all"
    Take care & look forward to reading about happier times

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  60. Women are just the worst! I've never thought about what size you are, I also don't care. How is it even relevant? You either like what you see, or don't. Whatever people! Move on. I think you look fab for the record!

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  61. I've got everything from size 6 to 14 hanging in my cupboard that I still wear daily. Fashion sizing completely depends on the store you're in. Plus it's totally normal to be one size in a T-Shirt and another in a dress or pair of pants. We're not mannequins

    This is actually my first visit to your blog (have obviously been living under a rock!) and I think you're gorgeous.

    I think it's crazy that people would choose to focus on the size of your pants, when they could be talking about your awesome initiatives such as ethical eating. Kudos to you for inspiring others to be mindful and gentle! x

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  62. You're beautiful - I'm 154cm tall and I weigh 64kgs after the birth of my second son (two weeks ago)... I'm waiting for my brother inlaw to ask me to step on the scales (cause you know my weight is his business).

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  63. This all just seems so horrible :(

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  64. Wow. God the internet is hateful. I love the way you look and often flick over to see what lovely outfit you are wearing.

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  65. I just saw this post & some of the downright nasty comments. It makes me scared for the daughters we are raising in this image/weight obsessed world where people can sit anonymously behind their computers trying to make others feel like crap. We are meant to support & build eachother up. You are a beautiful wife, mumma, daughter, sister, friend & woman inside & out. If I saw you on the street id be so freaking excited i'd want to run up & give you a high 5 & a hug & say thank you for being you. And about the bloody BMI, i'm a qualified personal trainer about to start studying a nutrition degree & i can tell you that the BMI measurement can be quite flawed & is not a true measurement of someones health. According to mine i'm very close to being overweight but i have muscle & that weighs more than fat. Some of our most elite athletes would be classed as overweight. Hold your head high & keep rocking your awesomeness.

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  66. Em, you are gorgeous in every way!!! I've missed the last several years of posts…I'm trying to catch up and of course-discovered this post. People are so rude… but-what I love is that your true beauty shines in your photographs, your words and your strength in addressing those ridiculous comments head on. I admire you! xoxo-Paula (formerly of thissimplelifeisrich.com)

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em