Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Hello Blog





oh hello blog, my little sanity saver/connection to the outside world/in road to like minded mothers/slice of creativity/semi safe place to vent, I'VE MISSED YOU!!

It feels like an eternity since I've sat down with a cup of tea and actually enjoyed this space. Life has just been so so SO busy and I've seldom had time for the luxury that is personal blogging.

Over the past 6 months or so I've given a lot of thought to this little slice of the Internet. In the chaos that is having three children I've wondered if I really have time to continue dedicating such a large amount of time to the online world and all that comes with it.

I've struggled to keep up with my inbox, neglected to respond to comments, questions and queries on social media and generally found the constant connectivity overwhelming.

At times I have felt like social media is robbing me of my real life.

At times I've found it hard to use self control.

Sometimes I find it challenging to stay focused and be present.

Mostly I've just wanted to catch a bit of uninterrupted sleep so that having self control, staying focused and being present is a little bit easier to achieve.

Seriously, sleep deprivation is debilitating. Crippling, even.

Since Elke's birth, I've lived in a contestant state of exhaustion. Seemingly simple tasks have become overwhelming. Clarity of mind and logical thought processes have been abandoned for a constant whurrr in the back of my brain rendering me useless. Some might call it anxiety.

Last week we celebrated that little last born baby's 1st Birthday and I'll tell you what. It feels SO good. All of a sudden I can feel 'me' creeping back in.

Last night I had 8 hours of unbroken sleep. EIGHT HOURS. UNBROKEN. Are you hearing me? It's amazing, right?

Seriously, sleep is restorative. Rejuvenating and healing in the most basic of ways. Nothing spiritual or everlasting- just practical, you know?

With sleep I can pack the lunch boxes, make the beds and pick up the toys from the floor. I can look my children in the eyes and listen when they speak.

With sleep I can be organised (kind of), on time and fully clothed in almost clean clothing that I almost didn't pick up off the floor.

With sleep I can be the kind of mother my children need. The kind of wife Dave needs and the kind of 'me' that I can be proud of.

The last year has been a hard slog. The hardest slog, actually. I've lacked the ability to be intentional in my parenting, crafting at the kitchen table has been minimal and my voice has been raised, you know, like all the time.

But here we are at The Beetle Shack, half way through 2014 with 3 kids and a full night's sleep and I can tell you that we're on the up 'n' up.

UP and UP.


17 comments:

  1. Welcome back! You've been very much missed and erm EIGHT HOURS SLEEP CAN I GET A HECK YES. That is all. xx

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  2. Hip, hip hooray for eight hours of sleep!!!
    Ronnie xo

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  3. three kids, man. it's the thing! thank goodness for that sweet, sweet sleep when it sneaks it's way back in. so glad to see you here! xx

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  4. Mmm.. Husband and I are currently discussing whether we should add one more to our family of four and I must say this post stopped me in my tracks a bit as I'm experiencing all that and I only have 2 kidlets! But back to my point of yay, great to hear from you!

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  5. Did you just publish my exact thoughts? I feel you, I FEEL YOU!

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  6. That's the best! I can remember that feeling - emerging from the fog and with it came hope.

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  7. You've been missed here, but, dudette, you've had A LOT on. Not only did you have a third child, but you started an online clothing store!
    To be honest, it was the crippling sleep deprivation that's put the kibosh on adding a third child to our gang. My husband and I had to face facts that we barely made it intact through the first year of our second child's life (we had two terrible sleepers, even now, with a 4 year old and almost 2 year old, an uninterrupted night is super rare), we don't think we could do it again!
    But you made it! I also felt the turn around once we'd hit the 1-year mark with both boys. It's such a goddam relief!

    Take your time finding your groove. Only visit here when you're willing and able :-) We'll be waiting.

    Btw, I didn't comment the other day, but wanted to say how beautiful I thought your stills were last week. They're always lovely, but your pics had a different, darker, shadowy feel. Have you noticed or felt your photographic style changing?

    Anyhoo. Have a great week :-)

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  8. You have a great week Emily and i do hope you get lots more sleep like you had.................*hours Woohoo xx

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  9. One day you'll only remember the best bits :)
    I always love your honesty x

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  10. Hello your blog. Will be nice to hear more from you!

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  11. I relate so well with this post.. I have 3 little monkeys and this year has begun my up & up as well...er, I should say this month..one moment at a time!

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  12. Woo hoo! EIGHT hours. That's awesome! I've been running on too little for too long too. Not always the kids' fault though (although sickness and now teething have had their part to play in it). Welcome back to the YOU in your space. I've missed you. Hope you get another full nights sleep tonight.
    Sheree x0x

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  13. Oh I Hear you!! At two trouble still only sleeps through once a month...yawn. And with 9-5 work it's killing me. Bring on the sleep dust sandman.

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em