Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Today, You've Been A Turd {it's not you, it's me}




In two days time Elke will be exactly three months old. She was born on the 1st of May at 1:30 in the afternoon with eyes wide and bright. The perfect baby sister for Zeph and Pip and a magical bundle for Dave and I.

Since that time I've felt pretty much like Shera - you know the princess of power. I've smashed solo trips* to Aldi, navigated all manner of breastfeeding multitasking, made dinner as many as 5 times, kept the floors vacuumed and diplomatically resolved at least 652 conflicts between my children. I have wiped tears, kissed grazed knees and spoken calmly whilst enforcing quiet time.

But today, TODAY, it all came undone.

It makes sense really given that the three month mark (since giving birth) is steadily approaching.

From memory, I've experienced a 3 month slump with each of my babies. When the pregnancy and new mum hormones wear off and reality kicks in... as in... reality kicks you in the metaphorical balls.

 It's when you finally realise that you're still waking up in the night to feed a baby, that no-one else will sort the washing and that no amount of right eating and exercise will actually make you feel energised. Why? Because being a mother is bloody exhausting and nothing can compensate for extreme, long term lack of sleep.

Toady my children refused their quiet time** and insisted on acting like kids rather than the adult company I was hoping for.

You know what, it's not them. It's me. They haven't changed their behaviour, their attitude or their actions- I have.


Why?

Because I'm tired and my superpowers have worn off.


So tonight, over a tall glass of red I shall take stock and remind myself that it's me, not them that needs to keep this ship sailing. I am the parent and I will rise to the occasion.... tomorrow.


Superpowers or not.



*okay, make that trip, singular. I'm not crazy enough to attempt that again.

**They must have been onto me after yesterdays post, guess it was a little smug huh!

38 comments:

  1. Oh lovely girl ..you are so wise:) The pit of despair really sucks!!! Enjoy your wine...

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    1. Libby, I feel like you are my blog mum, always chiming in when it counts with a big warm loving hug. Thank you.

      xxx

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  2. Woo, you have an incredibly calm perspective after a crap day! You realise it's you!?! I'd still be blaming them ;-)

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  3. I'm hearing you - I've had my cranky pants on tonight - not sure why - but praying I will be refreshed into someone like Shera tomorrow! xx

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  4. :) Thanks.
    I'm sure you've heard it before, but maybe you need to hear it today too: sharing this, the 'turd day's perspective', is actually just really encouraging and releasing for this here mummy of two. Sometimes I get so down on myself for the turd days, and forget that I HAVE been Shera, but even Shera needs sleep, and space. I recently came across the concept of 'imperfect progress', which is helping me move on more easily from those turd days. Here's to a restful sleep, and a better tomorrow.

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    1. I love the sound of Imperfect progress. So great! My counsellor always says ' there is NO such thing as perfect parenting, only adequate parenting'. I like that too.

      xx

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  5. Such a great post...so relatable...I know I have had my fair share of turd days.
    Enjoy your wine...and hopefully some sleep...tomorrow is another day!

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  6. I feel your pain. Millie was born 30 of April - she is my third child. I have Jaxon (9) and Kaya (6) after two boys I got a girl. She is my world right now. I have felt the slump and have PND which sucks, but Millie only has to give me a smile or a giggle and my heart warms. Hang in there because tomorrow, when you've taken stock you will realise that despite everything else that going on in the world you are doing the most important job ever. Being a mum is hard work and we don't get nearly enough recognition or praise but its worth it. On the other hand wine is mummy's little remedy for herself.
    I love you used the Shera analogy - she was my childhood heroine - I had the sword, shield and headband.
    x

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    1. it's a long and rocky road huh (no, not the delicious marshmallow filled rocky road!)

      xx

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  7. I am sure you are doing a great job...enjoy that red and face another day tomorrow. xxx

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  8. Great post, and thanks for your honesty. I think it's good to know that it's you, and not them. They never change. But they do seem to mirror our behaviour - good or bad.

    Tomorrow you can be supermum again. You're already a legend. xx

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  9. What a timely blog em. good on you for having a wine. This felt pretty much like day too. After I made poppy sit through hans Christian Anderson or no tv. Tully decided coughing rather than sleeping was better and it was fun to need nappy changes every half hour. Oh joy!!! Quiet time never happened not even in timeout. But I still love them. Probably wasn't ideal to start tearing up during our nightly prayers as I pleaded with God for good health, got all emotional over the blessing they are in my life and pleading for some sleep. You're right it's not them it's us but that doesn't make our job easier but at least we are being honest about it and stepping up. Sending hugs. Superpowers or not we are awesome!

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  10. In the first year my son was born I was so jealous of people who went to bed and knew that they would slleep all night until morning. I also remember whiles I was breast feeding about 2am in Melbourne and it's freezing cold to be above the covers -I was thinking if I was rich and had a million dollars I would pay that for one night's sleep. Sleep is definately NOT over rated and can make the nicest person lose it. Being a mum with three little ones is exhausting and throw in the lack of sleep I say you have done well to make it to 3 months. Be kind to yourself and maybe when you want the quiet time put on a kids DVD so they can get engrossed and you have a lie down for an hour. Even if it's just resting but not sleep it means you are not running around exhausting yourself. Don't worry we all have days like that and I don't even have a new born. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia

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  11. Sorry I haven't read past the first line of the second paragraph ... I had to stop in awe. You went to ALDIS WITH THREE KIDS SOLO??? CRAZINESS. That is the stuff my nightmares are made of.

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    1. Sorry finished reading now. Wishing you a restful sleep, and maybe a washing/cooking/cleaning fairy. Because I know that if either of those happen to fall my way, it all seems so much more manageable (momentarily).

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  12. Give yourself a pat on the back for being such a damn good Mum, and then give yourself a break.
    See if some of your park Mum friends want to come over for a natter and some of that good lady company that we forget is all too important, BYO baked goods!
    Sleep well lovely xo

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  13. Hi Em! I've been reading for a while but never comment ( sorry!) but today I just HAD to!
    My 3rd is 14 weeks old. For the past week my energy & patience levels are below zero. I've tried eating well. Tried changing my mood/headspace but to no avail. My elder two are 13 & 10 so I can't remember if I hit the 3 month mark with a thud but this post today helped me ( lots of your post do) so THANKYOU xx

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  14. Hey keep going and enjoy that wine, I will join you as so deserved.

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  15. My children are nearly 5, just 3 and 9mths. I hit the EXACT stage when baby #3 was 3mths, and only now is the fog starting to lift. It is HARD. Baby still wakes in the night and is BF, what changed was 5 and 3 sleeping though 6 out of 7 nights. Now if only our mornings did not start at 5.30am!!!!

    I LOVE Aldi! I was there yesterday with the youngest 2, and the lady at the check out got up and unloaded my trolley for me! And all the shoppers helped me and talked to my children! Best place to go with 3!

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  16. Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel so much better about how I feel as a mum on 'those days'. You sound perfectly normal to me ;) Hope that helps x

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  17. Oh you wonderful ladies!!! Being a parent is so hard, the 5:00am mornings the distrubed sleep the mess............ but thankfully we have some beautiful people in this world who can share and make us collective laugh and cry. Keep supporting each other .....we women and men need the love xx

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  18. She-Ra....for the honour of Greyskull!
    Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm always trying to be Shera but more often than not I'm The Grinch.
    Mothering is the hardest job in the world, bar NONE.
    Have some chocie xx

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  19. Was She-Ra the long lost twin sister of He-Man? I loved that show!
    Now I can't stop picturing you in that rocking outfit of hers...
    Ronnie xo
    p.s. Thinking of you today! Big hugs.

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  20. {www.crazyspeedylove.com}
    I love that!
    On the odd occasion it is turd like behaviour (them NOT ME!)- but you are right just when you want and hope things to be a bit different in the moment (like agreeing to have quite time!)our kids don't change their attitudes/wants just because we want it...nice post!

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  21. I get the three-month slump too! Its that point where reality kicks in and the relentlessness of it all gets overwhelming. Hopefully it doesn't last long and you can push on. Much love x

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  22. And you can't polish a turd! When I was a kid I won a She-Ra action figure from Cartoon Connection. Awesome superhero. Totally not a mum though.

    Have an absolutely awesome day. Or at least, not a turd. ;)sarah

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  23. I just pictured Zeph kicking you in the whoo haa.. OMG I need a coffee.. kids can be turds but I reckon my feelings can be even turdier!

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  24. After reading your post today, those memories came flooding back. Tomorrow is a new day even though it may take forever to get there. At least it looks like you made your bed! H x

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  25. Oh Em.... You are so super hard on yourself! Secretly, it is nice to know that you are human ;) With all the beautiful creative experiences you children are exposed to on a day to day basis and the obvious fun and laughter they experience regularly in the gorgeous photos that you post, I suspect you are doing just fine :)
    Surely there would be something wrong if you didn't have days where you feel this way! You will be fine .... hang in there girl x

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  26. I totally know where you're coming from. Super powers are in short supply some days!

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  27. ....just thought id share i have been stuck all afternoon / evening at hospital after Violet my youngest shoved an almond up her nose ! !

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  28. Don't be so hard on yourself! I suspect you are doing an AMAZING job. Your blog flows with love for your children. xx

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  29. Respect. Hope today has a few rainbows and lollipops. I have two young boys (3 and almost 1), and the way my day rolls is almost entirely dependent on the amount of sleep I've had, rather than the behaviour of said little boys. Almost every night is disturbed to some extent. Just means some days I'm better at controlling my temper than other days!

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  30. I must have a biological bitch clock... this happens to me EVERY three (four if i'm lucky) months.... and... ahem... I have a 14 year old son. Just one kid. That's right... just one. (.... i feel as though I've just stepped into the confessional and the Priest is so shocked that he has no idea how many Hail Mary's to assign me) xx

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  31. Em, I have an apology to make. Up there at comment #24 (a few days ago) I didn't give you enough sympathy. I've just blogged about the horrid two days I've had and I am feeling your tuesday pain. A big sympathetic hug sister! xxx

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  32. You will always be a superwoman to me...

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em