Monday, July 15, 2013

The Shouty Housewife and The Weekend Dilemma





 a pretty sample of knits waiting for hand washing

I have a confession, I'm a shouty house wife. No matter how hard I try to be gentle and demure it's just not me. And when it comes to the weekends I go into overdrive.

Why?

Well, you know, here's an opportunity for me to relax and enjoy my family so why not sabotage it?

Each weekend, often on a sunday morning I find myself in the usual predicament - stressed about the state of the house.

During the week I spend a good portion of each day tidying up. I wipe up after breakfast and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I cut a plate of fresh fruit for morning tea then wipe up and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I make the kids Vegemite sandwiches for lunch then wipe up and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

My days are punctuated by spray and wipe sessions and you know, it's kind of got a nice rhythm about it. It's work and i'm okay with that.

 Yet on a subconscious level I expect the weekends to be different. I secretly think that maybe someone else will sort the washing and wipe the wee from the toilet seat and the floor. So when I leave my coffee cup next to the bed, my breakfast plate on the table and my pj's next to the shower, It's with a jolt of surprise that I find them still sitting there waiting for me.

What? Don't they know it's the weekend?

It would appear not.

And you know, that really offends me.

 Doesn't my home know that I care little for being it's slave? I'm a real human with interests and needs and a brain* and I truly don't want to spend my entire weekend with the kitchen sponge. I really don't.

So what do I do when all the cleaning and tidying and wiping gets too much?

I get shouty.

And argumentative.

And sullen.

It's not pretty.

This weekend when Dave asked me where we should plant out new fruit tress I shouted 'I don't care, plant them wherever you want!' before storming back inside armed with my spray and wipe.

When he enquired about the placement of the cauliflowers he intended to place in the veg garden, my response was the same.

It wasn't until I found myself alone on the back deck bringing in one load of washing and hanging out another, cursing the sunshine, the weekend and everything good in the world that I snapped out of it.

There my children were with snot on their faces and dirt stuck to the snot, playing happily in the garden with their father. Oblivious to my nasty mood they carried on contentedly, indulging Dave on the placement of above mentioned plants.

And there I was, pegging out the washing ALONE and missing out on all the fun.

Not cool.

I promptly put on my gumboots and joined the more balanced, carefree members of my family.

Next weekend, I'll join them sooner.


Tell me, are you driven into a shouty rage by the weekend filth? Does your house work pile up when everyone is at home? Tell me i'm not the only nut case on the planet.






*all be it small

60 comments:

  1. Oh gosh this is me every weekend. I keep thinking as a new mum I get a weekend.... Doesn't happen and still trying to get use to it. Thank goodness I'm not the only one who gets a little shouty.

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  2. You are most definitely not alone Em... in fact it is so nice to know that I am not the only one! I secretly thought I was a little crazy! Hold me accountable next weekend xx

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  3. I'm the same Em. I don't want to be cleaning, washing and cooking all weekend - so Monday has become my catch up day... But I'm still shouty, can't it all just do itself already?! xo

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  4. oh my goodness...your writing about my weekends!!....why haven't I ever seen it before???....im a yeller and a slammer...cause you know that helps the wet dirty towels jump into the machine?!. right it all changes this weekend!....wish me luck...Al x

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  5. I get miffed that come the weekend everyone is on cruise mode and the house stuff still needs to be done........by me. Sometimes it feels like I don't get a "weekend" xo

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  6. Yep- complete nutter here! Not just on the weekends though.... Any time my hubby is home. You see, when he's at work I get into a groove of being independent and getting jobs done, so when he's home, it all goes out of whack and I get grumpy because he doesn't do things how I do.
    I swiftly remind myself that we are a team and do things together. I also have to make a conscious decision to change my mood and move on. Xo

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  7. Yep- complete nutter here! Not just on the weekends though.... Any time my hubby is home. You see, when he's at work I get into a groove of being independent and getting jobs done, so when he's home, it all goes out of whack and I get grumpy because he doesn't do things how I do.
    I swiftly remind myself that we are a team and do things together. I also have to make a conscious decision to change my mood and move on. Xo

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  8. Yes - Mess makes me angry - I resent laundry for wasting my life - I hate cleaning up my woman cave before I sew - I am shouty and I make no excuses for it, unfortunately for my family :/ sigh.

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  9. Just like me. I generally have a minor breakdown come Sunday evening when I realise that not only the house is a complete mess but I've spent the whole weekend being grumpy about washing clothes, dressing bodies, sweeping floors and wiping benchtops. The grumpiness and the consequent breakdown are totally unproductive of me! You're right, better to just join in.

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  10. You have me in fits of giggles!!! You just described me at the weekend- getting grumpy and everyone ignoring me making me more grumpy!!! You make me feel heaps better knowing there are others doing the same thing- thank you!

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  11. Yup!
    Grumble bum and spray and wipe devotee here too.

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  12. here here, you just echoed my life.

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  13. Yes (we're getting a cleaner, 2 hours on a friday arvo, starts next week...hope its enough!) xxx

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    1. You're welcome to take no notice of My post but I've found it much more beneficial to have my cleaner come on a Monday. That way I don't worry so much and can enjoy thE weekend more knowing all will be fixed and cleaned then. If I had her come on Friday I'd be constantly aware of the newly cleaned house being messed up on the weekends!

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    2. We split the difference with the cleaner - Wednesday is cleaner day. On the weekend I know no 'real cleaning' needs to be done because come Wednesday it'll all be done. Plus it's close enough that by the weekend the house it still somewhat clean enough not to be working all weekend. :)

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  14. Exactly.
    And I hate myself for being shouty. But I can't help it. It just shouts out of me! I hate that if I don't do it, no one will and the mess will just grow until I eventually tackle it.
    I am stompy too.
    Shouty and stompy. Not a nice combo!

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  15. Another fellow Miss-Shouty-Pants here. Lucky my family love me.

    Our house is rarely 'clean' just at various stages of being cleaned. And it drives me nuts. Still, it is so much more fun to muck about with them than to clean up all the muck. Plus playing with them means I am instantly out of my shouty pants mood.

    Put on those gumboots and you tell that house who's the boss :)

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  16. TOTALLY and aren't we all just horrible.

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  17. Oh this sounds exactly like me, mum of two! My hubby is fly in/fly out so when he is home on weekends I tend to relax but then it all builds up. As you said, if I leave it, there it will stay unless I get 'shouty', grumpy or say "let's do a quick tidy". Glad I'm not the only one!

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  18. Oh this sounds exactly like me, mum of two! My hubby is fly in/fly out so when he is home on weekends I tend to relax but then it all builds up. As you said, if I leave it, there it will stay unless I get 'shouty', grumpy or say "let's do a quick tidy". Glad I'm not the only one!

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  19. so funny! Double edge sword either you have the house to yourself to clean or you have fun with the family and a trashed house!!! Thanks for your post, glad to know I'm not the only one.

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  20. oh lordy lord em i am like it every day!! I am seriously married to one fabulous man but he just does not see mess/ dishes/ laundry/ decor/ pee/ clothes/toys/dirt/weeds/gardening jobs/ dirty floors! its awesome in some ways because i get total say on everything about the look of our house and garden...i dread to think what i would be like if i had to compromise on what our home looks like...i am so visual it would be very very hard to even budge an inch on it...BUT...i would happily budge an inch (or a mile) on the rest of the stuff and the occassional help with some of it would be friggin awesome/miraculous!!!! Last week i spent 7 days straight decorating and deep cleaning our other house we rent out...it is between lodgers and had been ransacked!!!! so i was out of here for a week! NOTHING AND I MEAN Nothing had been done...no laundry no washing up, no pick up! every night i rolled in exhausted and just left it! Then i lost my credit cards and purse and have emptied cupboards onto the top of it all.....you have never seen ANYTHING LIKE IT!!!!! so i am stuck in full nasty shouty mode for a good while to come but to be honest it's not much different to normal!!!! my husband enquired why i got mad at him yesterday for playing with the kids....i said its because he doesn't realise i can't join in as well as i couldn't get out from tILLY'S DEMANDS PLUS THE HOUSE AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SEE IT.....ACTUALLY IF I'M HONEST I ACTUALLY SAID....GET AWAY FROM ME YOUR UNFEELING BASTARD BEFORE I STAB YOU!!!!! xxxxxx

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  21. Oh hell. Were you at my place this weekend? Yes you were! You've described me this last week. All shout. And definitely no fun. I can blame renovating (because nothing is where it's supposed to be), and you can blame new baby. We're fully justified, right? (Great post!) x

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  22. Ok, so, I could definitely put myself in your shoes on this one. I tend to get like that too and I hate it. I try for a low maintenance house, but things deteriorate so quickly. I know if I don't do the work, it won't get done, so....

    I think some days, I need to walk away, leave the mess, and enjoy life with my family. Just like you said.
    ~FringeGirl

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  23. I can relate to this! After being like this for a while, I also realized that it's just not worth it, to be so grumpy with my family (who are having fun without me!), so now I just let the house get messy on the weekends. Mondays are for tidying up :)

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  24. Hello, I have never commented on a blog before, but really felt the urge. BOB ON. I am a shouty wife and mother at weekends too. So thank you for sharing and like you it takes me a moment but I realize and snap out of my funk and share in the fun times that is the family weekend. Lets face it I can spritz the antibac till my hearts content on Monday. Clare

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  25. Ok, this is like you've read my mind. Thank god it's not just me! I hate it. & I dont really feel that emotion very often. But it winds me up inside so much. In fact, just thinking about the mess that awaits me at home right now is getting my back up. & the way I snap out of it... I just leave the house!

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  26. Yeah I get a bit like that. But I try to give in on all that expectation a little on the weekend just as long as everyone pitches in Sunday arvo at some point to get things back to a manageable level for me to tart all over again on a Monday. But on another note we are expecting our third baby in about five weeks so it'll all probably go out the window. But hubby has mentioned a cleaner, we will see.

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  27. I can so relate to this! It seems harder in Winter too as we spend so much of it inside. Bring on Spring, outdoor play and dinners outside!

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  28. My kids are teenagers and I still get it. When they ask me what's wrong, I just say "Saturdayitis".

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  29. As I read your post I was visualising my head on your body!! That is my life all over.
    As amazing my husband is - it goes in one ear and out the other - The circle of my house hold life...and then it's Monday!!

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  30. oh so comforting. i really feel your pain!

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  31. Yes I'll hold my hand up!
    Less so recently because I've been flying solo for a long while and have got used to it.....but everytime Mike comes back for a week, I drop everything, because I feel he should pick it up.....then over a couple of days, as washing piles stack up around the house, piles of dishes are stacked precariously, and I'm cursing the toys I keep on treading on....I get shouty and grumpy, as Mike decides to "check on the sheep" I deal to the mess on my own, while everyone is oblivious.....there may also be alot more crashing and slamming of doors in the kitchen too! just so they know :)) ....I've realised I'm the only one who's ruining my day...and I should just ask for the help :)) Hope you have a better weekend this week.

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  32. Ohh hello other mothers, it seems like it's a bit of a mumma theme! WHY, oh why must be be this way?? Why can't we be men and take no notice of the mess and allow ourselves 40 mins every time we need to...ehum... use the bathroom?

    meh.

    xo em

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  33. dude, you should see me during the school holidays ;) And yes, have a man moment each day. xx sarah

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  34. right there with you! at least there was delicious cake at the end of your tantrum ;) x

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  35. We use to have an argument every Sunday morning until I came to your exact same conclusion!!

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  36. Reading this & then all the comments made me feel so normal. I think I will look at this coming weekend with new eyes! Thank you Emily for being the voice that unites our feelings! :-)
    Chantelle - Soul Bare Mama Blog

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  37. I get what you are saying - really. But where I get confused is that you expect others - presumably your husband - to pick up your coffee cup, your pjs and your breakfast dishes. Is this not exactly what you are complaining about them expecting of you? Wouldn't it be better to be encouraging an environment where those in the family are responsible for their own mess - age appropriately of course. And yes, I do have 3 small children.

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  38. I am the calm demure housewife 90% of the time and then the other 10%.... Well it is not a pretty sight. Justin and Tamika are naturally untidy and honestly don't care about stuff that bothers them. Unfortunately I think I has given Jarvis my OCD tendencies. Justin will leave his shoes willy nilly about the house (a personal pet hate) but I have obviously passed this onto Jarvis. At 19 month of age he will grunt, shreak, and generally carry on at his Dad, picking up the offending shoes and trusting them at his father. If Justin is not home, many a shoe have gone in the bin via Jarvis cleaning up. Teaching my son my OCD habits is really making me stop and look at my genuine affection for all things clean and tidy.

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  39. Oh yes, you've described me on a Sunday afternoon to a tee. I don't get shouty, just grumpy when I feel as though my week of cleaning up constantly has been all in vain... Sunday afternoon rolls around and somehow, the whole looks like a bomb... our bench covered in mess, the mat strewn with toys and no one besides me seems to have any issue with it :)

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  40. ha...right to my heart girl. Except I don't shout, i sulk (which is worse?)
    I sulk, and huff, and groan. Not too loud, just loud enough to be noticed.
    It does bugger all!

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  41. We used to get a bit more shouty on the weekends - til I realised we both hated tidying up and got a cleaner instead, who comes midweek. I do the washing (mostly - weather permitting) during the week, and a guy comes and does the lawns every couple of weeks. Angsty crankiness is gone (almost). Weekends are much more enjoyable. There's enough yelling around this house as it is - and hysterics and crying.

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  42. YES!! My friend and I were talking about this yesterday, and she is all but ready to move home, and be done with this responsibility nonsense. I spent three hours cleaning today, and that didn't even count the bathrooms, or a full vacuum, and there is still piles of washing, dirty windows, dirty sills, dusty architraves....At least I have cake!
    Johnny has talked about getting a cleaner, but then I feel guilty. Cleaning is so not my strong point!
    On another note. It's mercury in retrograde. Google it. We may all be a little less shouty soon. :) xx

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  43. That little pile of delicate knits is beautiful. Ditto on the grumps. Holly.x

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  44. my lack of domestic goddess-ness really shits me. It also shits me that the husband doesn't notice dirt, mud, dog hair or mould. I find myself yelling at not only him, but at myself for the state of my house. It's all about to change too with our first baby due any day now. I love that you don't try and act like all is well in your world - your blog makes us all feel a bit normal

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  45. This is great - so glad to hear so many of us feel the same. The thing that gets me is when my husband takes a nap on Sunday!! I would love a nap too but would wake up to the kids in some sort of sticky mess and the dog trying to lick them clean. I just remind myself it's his weekend too and then starting dreaming of my solo lunch date on Monday when everyone is back at school and work.

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  46. haha, loved this post and reading all the comments. I suddenly feel so normal :)

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  47. I am with you. Shouty. Loud. Potential to be moody. Wish I had a house-elf. I often ruin weekends.... Le sigh.

    Beautiful post. Again.

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  48. 'weekend' is somewhat of an oxymoron when you're at home with babies. anyways, I relate the housework grumps for sure! x

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  49. I relate so well. My husband injured his hand and can't do dishes until the skin heals fully and I about had a breakdown the other day when the sink was filled with dirty dishes and we were out of clean bowls, even though I'd just done the dishes that morning.

    And I'm not even home full-time!

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  50. It's always when people visit too! Every time the house is lovely, no-one drops in.. as soon as the weekends come and I subconsciously go on strike, I'm moving things off chairs for people to sit down and washing a cup for them to have a tea. So awesome to hear that grumpy mum Sundays are actually pretty common!

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  51. This post is too funny and oh so familiar. Thank you for sharing your weekend feelings of anger! I am exactly the same but haven't been able to pin point why until trading your post. Thanks again!

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  52. I'm glad I'm not the only crazy one! I relax my standards every weekend, expecting my hubby to chip in and do half of the things I do. It never happens, he is one just more person to clean up after, and I end up annoyed and shouty. I know I need to change my mindset but it's easier said than done! Thank you for the great post.

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  53. Oh, can I ever relate to this! But, for me shouty, sullen housewifery rolls around on Mondays because I generally just allow the house to descend into a pit of chaos on the weekend.

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  54. This is so me, but I never realised.. I really do expect weekends to be different. Silly me! No more shouty housewife on weekends. Thank you x

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  55. Ditto! To it all! Great post. xx

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  56. So glad to read this. I thought i was just a nasty piece of work on a sat/sun...

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  57. I'm the opposite. When I get upset, I go silent. I do all my chores with a blank face and in complete silence.

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em