Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on this post and for your truly generous affirmations. I felt them.
The other day I was filling in an online form about this little space here and one of the questions asked me to describe my 'online persona' in 200 words or less.
I was completely and utterly bamboozled.
I timidly asked my cousin to form a few sentences for me so I could complete the questionnaire, which she did. But it got me thinking about you and why you continue to come here. So I wrote yesterdays post in the hope that you might offer me some clarity about my bloody 'online persona' .
You know, I write this blog for myself and my family. I blog to keep a record of the things we do, the way we do them and how we feel about life.
I record the things that are important to us and the things that are of personal interest to our family. The garden, art, our children and so on.
But if i'm truly honest, there is another important side to this little blog and that is you. You, my friends who visit here regularly (or sporadically) and read our tales of everyday nothings. And especially you who take time out from your own busy lives to comment and engage with me.
Over the past year and a half since I started this project, the above motivations have become inextricably linked and at times I find myself in a little bit of a pickle.
When I write something and get a positive response, I feel successful. I feel like I have achieved something, like I could maybe make something of this blog and never have to work again (oh yes, my mind really does go there, it does). I feel like i'm connected, important, beautiful, popular and skinny.* Yet when I post something that's a bit passé and no-one comments, or *gasp* I lose some followers, well then I feel crap and insignificant and, dare I say it, uncool.
It's a dangerous place to teeter.
The fact is, my kids love me every day. My husband loves me almost everyday and my parents love me most of the time - so really, I have nothing but love in my back pocket.
I'm on a journey here with this blogging thing and a big part of that is accepting that I can only be me. And I need to be okay with simply, you know, just being me. like it or lump it.
I like me**
*gosh those endorphins do amazing things
** when you like me .... JOKE