Gone was any desire to interact with my children or talk with my husband. I just wanted to curl up under the covers and disappear until the fog lifted. My hair has remained unwashed as have my clothes - I'll wear what can be found on the floor (although this is fairly standard behaviour).
Exhaustion at being chubby, unemployed and unimportant to anyone outside of these four walls has been getting me down - I couldn't shake it. For days I remained unable to focus my attention on anything or anyone other than myself.
The truth is, sometimes being a full time stay at home mum bores me to tears. I'm rendered numb by playing 'fireman sam' and can't throw myself into the imaginary realms like I wish I could, sometimes making Vegemite sandwiches at noon everyday is uninspiring, most days I just don't want to wipe table down twenty seven million times.
Sometimes I realise how selfish I am and that bores me too.
It's with the ability to look past myself, my own needs, my desires, my exhaustion (me, me, me) that happiness will be rediscovered.* So I shall pick up, carry on and be inspired by my maker to 'do unto others' (a hard lesson and a constant prayer). I'll remain exhausted, probably for the next few years - but with any luck, I'll manage to have some perspective.
*obviously my own needs must to be met- i do need time to be alone, to just be 'Emily'- not a wife and mother. This is not something I feel guilty for.