When I was a bit younger, a bit skinnier and a bit hotter I thought I was pretty good. I mean, I had a nice family, lived in a nice suburb by the beach, finished a uni degree or two, got married to a babe, bought an apartment, had a good job, bought another house and did some travelling. I could drink beer and not get a hangover, wear high heels everyday and not hurt my feet, buy designer threads without running out of cash and I didn't have hairs on my chin. I probably thought I was a little superior, truth be told.
Life is a great leveller.
In the past three years I have watched my body expand and never quite return to the shape it once was. I have laboured for days, breathed through contractions, declined offers of drugs and taken long hot baths believing that my body 'knew what it needed to do' only to find that it didn't, and I couldn't. I have fed those babies from my breast, my now tiny, empty, saggy breasts. I have been out of the workforce so long I wonder if it would ever take me back. My wardrobe consists of size 12's from Glassons and the last holiday I had was to my in-laws weekender.
I now have two children to raise. Two individual people who I can't control, only shape.
Motherhood is a tough gig, one that know I'll always struggle with. But it is the most joyful and humbling experience. I am both loved and completely and utterly disrespected each and every day. My life is nothing like it was and I am nothing like I was.
I'm broken, stripped bare and unworthy, yet I have been given the richest blessing imaginable in those two little people. Those sweet creatures that call me mum and clearly state my inadequacies, faults and prickles. Just this morning while giving Zeph a big bear hug, he pulled away, rubbed my chin and said 'what's that? oh, a prickle... i don't like that mum'. hump. case in point.
We are a collective, us mothers.
Happy International Women's Day.
Happy women's day to you, you're not alone with the scary chin hair issue.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely love this xx
ReplyDeleteThis may just be one of my fav posts from you Em.
ReplyDeleteAnd for what its worth - I think you are still young, skinny and hot!
I said to Daniel the other day that I love Che and Poet so much it makes my heart hurt. Literally ache.
ReplyDeleteAmidst the chaos of our normal days it's so good to step back and see where we are, express gratitude for what we've got.
Did I ever tell you about the old man I served when I worked in Dymocks? There was a mum in front of him in the queue and she was juggling three kids, shopping etc. She turned around and apologised to him for the 'circus' and he calmly said to her: "Don't apologise. You're a Mother - it's the most important job in the world."
Isn't that beautiful!
DeleteWhat s beautiful thing to say! We need more of that rather then the disapproving looks thrown when my own "circus" is performing!
Deletewow I needed that man to stand behind me nearly every day last week and remind me (with such beautiful words) what an important job we are doing. My circus was in town alot last week and I have been fed up too of disapproving look and narky comments! Hope that lovely man has loads of great karma coming his way!!!
DeleteWow... so very, very true. Every. Single. Word. Damn those chin hairs!
ReplyDeleteEm, maybe the most beautiful post you've ever written. Definitely my favourite. Thank you. xxx
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said Em. It is no doubt the hardest job I have ever done, and it sounds so cliché, but it really is the most rewarding.
ReplyDeleteWell done mumma!
Rhi x
Wow, what a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteFantastic. Funny how we are changed by these little people isn't it? I love that as I get older, the things that once seemed important, are just not anymore. I was thinking about that this morning as I picked up a pair of jeans, saw they had some sort of food crusted on the knee, and put them on anyway.
ReplyDeleteCheers to us ladies.
How true, I know just what you mean.
ReplyDeleteLovely, Em. Although I don't believe for a second you have a hair growing out of that gorgeous chin! It's nice to be stripped down and realise who you really are as a woman. Kellie xx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post gorgeous girl! You are such a strong, amazing woman and you inspire me each and every day.
ReplyDeleteMuch Love
Soph xx
Thanks, I needed that...and your not alone :)
ReplyDeletePerfection in imperfection!!! Your kids think your the best, so much so, they tell you like it is. Motherhood is not the job full of ego boosting self appraisal, rewards, with six figure salaries hey...otherwise everyone would do it. oops....most Of us do do it. But why??? Because like you said...we've been given the greatest gift and challenge all at once. We just didn't know it till we were in it. Wonderful post. Xx
ReplyDeleteI think most of us go through a stage where we think we're "all that" to some degree... and yes, then our kids show us what we are really made of. Sometimes we don't like what we see, other days we see what they are making us into. Someone that might just have some substance to her. That's how it is here anyway. Thanks for the post Em. You are spot on.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Em, it really is the best job in the world. x
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and honest words Emstar. I too have a random, shifty chin prickle...ahem. Happy chickas' Day to you to, from one woman and mama to another. xx
ReplyDeleteLove Jodi's Dymocks story.
So not alone! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, Em. I love this.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
xx
P.S - this reminds me so much of our conversation on the phone x
ReplyDeleteOne minute they're not there, one minute they're there. They seem to poke out overnight, one or two every now and then...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty.
xx
You are beautiful in every way Em! Gorgeous post. And I hear ya about the expanding body... I wish I could be a size 8 again - I is never gonna happen ever... so I'd better let it go. x
ReplyDeleteI need the little ladies cardigan...so sweet! Please don't think twice about the size/shape/glamourpuss you were before kiddies, because everytime I read one of your posts, and see your beautiful picutres, i always think how super fabby pretty you are, and what lovely clothes you and the kiddies are in.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Mummy rocks....
nattie x
Emma, This is really honest, heartfelt and totally you (I know i don't know you but I feel I do a wee bit through your blog!). Even if you don't think it you are still hot, you have a lovely home, a gorgeous family and a rich creative life! Life changes us, children change us- in so so many ways and its easy to feel demoralised and grumpy- like I do most days!. Your posts always brighten my days and somehow reading and blogging myself is about seeing what you have through fresh eyes. Being a Mama is hard, hard, hard but worth every second of the trials. Happy Woman's day to you- you are a star! Jo x
ReplyDeleteWell I have to correct you on one thing Em, you ARE very hot... however, I know how you feel, as everything you've described here I also feel. It really wears you down doesn't it!? Has the ability to completely change your thought processes and kinda make you lose control a little. But it is also so wonderful and I know that one day I'll look back and want these days back again. Love your written word, you have a talent for it xo
ReplyDeleteOh, at the beginning I really thought this post might cure me of my extreme cluckines.......... Hmmm nope!
ReplyDeleteAnd what a wonderful mum you are! Remember to take big deep breathes on those chaotic days, breathing in thankfulness and exhaling doubt. I'll be doing the thing. We are all in this together, you are so right. Love love love.
ReplyDeleteTears! Thanks from one mom to another!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. I miss the old somewhat self absorbed me but thats all I had to think about was me - now I have come down the ranks. But I have been rewarded with a greater inner peace, and more happiness/contentment within x Happy women's day Em
ReplyDeleteIt's weird how our bodies never match our brains aye, you look back at photos of yourself as a teen and cant believe you never thought you were hot. And now, chasing the kids around the house and garden heart aslight as a feather and come to a stop in front of the mirror, and see in my case what appears to be a middle aged man! Mirrors pah! Over rated interior decor, i need a new painting instead x
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh such perspective, i love this post. Thanks for sharing! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Em, I promise you it will all makes sense, just give it 20 years or so and a lot of heartache in between. I was out with Rowan the other day shopping for the beach house, sporting my new leather skirt and Chloe boots, i got a wolf whistle at the homemaker centre, and the shop assistant in freedom told me what a funky mum I was!
ReplyDeleteIf you had of told me that when I was standing in the principles office of a very prestigious girls school, hearing about the antics of my not so gracious daughters, wearing Yesterday fashion, because all my money was paying the fees. I worked long hours and cried a lot in those days and my mantra went something like this. ". Lauren, i hope you are not smoking on that train, Peta you have to sudy more, this is your last year. Girls stop bringing boys home here when i am at work, can somebody please help me with cleaning up this house, girls stop talking back to me, is anybody actually listening to me, does anybody know i exist around here. Deep breath, I'm looking and feeling better than ever, have more self esteem and love myself more than ever.
This is so beautiful, it's beyond description.
ReplyDeleteJust like its author ... x
Wow Emily. So beautiful. Thank you xx
ReplyDeleteYour honestly is brilliant. Plus, you're still hot! Look how much you've already achieved while you're still so young. Pretty impressive, and inspiring I might add.
ReplyDeleteEm, I'm not sure what you were like pre-kids but I think your current self seems pretty wonderful! I havn't brought anything designer since having my daughter 13 months ago, my skincare and makeup now comes from Target or Priceline, I spend more time at home than I ever have..but I think i'm learning more about myself every day and the things that are really important to me. Now i'm wondering how much time and money I actually wasted on those things when I had time and money to waste! Thanks for writing this, beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI freakin love your honesty, honestly!
ReplyDeleteYour story sounds so much like mine (except I never bought an apartment and only had a few designer items) its SO so true isn't it...though, amongst this, I think its still very important to maintain your're identity and passions..being an ex-art teacher..I know how you feel about it all...I personally arn't painting much, or at all...and wonder If I could ever get up infront of the students and preach/teach painting/art back to them having been so un-exposed for time!
PS never mind about the size 12 glassons stage..glassons is OK..quite good in fact, I never would have shopped there in the past but have been since having kiddos, for convenience, and the fact that they have 'fashionable' things:) Always good to teem up with some op-shop scores from your past, (if you still fit them, im still struggling there too).
Well, i could ramble on.
Stay true.
x
A beautiful post Emily! Thank you for sharing ... it's nice to know we're not alone! I like your line about being completely loved and utterly disrespected in one day (perhaps because i've had a day where I've felt utterly disrespected) and yet I wouldn't change it for anything. I really truly wouldn't ... thank you.
ReplyDeletePS I've never had any designer items. And when i'm a size 12 i feel like a skinny mini stick figure! I am eight feet tall though....
ReplyDeleteAnyway.. what i'm saying is, you're hot! Go you, you tiny little size 12.
In a week when I have been feeling sick of all the 'positive' 'fashionable' 'try hard' 'fake' posts of some of the blogs I've been reading, you write something gold like this to restore my faith in BlogLand.
ReplyDeleteThank you beautiful lady. Since having children I have realised that it is only now I feel the true version of myself. Who I am meant to be. Fulfilled. Loved unconditionally. Able to give all the love I have.
I loved this post so much. Thank you. I'm making a film about mothers who are artists and I'm sharing this with them. They will totally relate. You can check out the trailer at www.maandpafilms.com/lostinliving/ Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteWell I laughed out loud and then burst into tears... that to me is the sign of a great post! Thank you lovely lady!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post!!! Thankyou xo
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post!!! Thankyou xo
ReplyDeleteamen. kinda nice to be a daggy flat shoe wearing mum (speaking of myself of course!). wouldn't have it any other way. xoxo
ReplyDeleteawesome post...
ReplyDeleteGeez. All I did was launch a website yesterday. This beautiful post makes me feel like an under achiever!
ReplyDeleteWow Em, what a stunning, thoughtful, honest, hilarious and reactive post. Look at all these amazing comments, it is always so wonderful to know and see that as much as we try to keep up appearances as a mother (or parent) we are all feeling the same things. It is so hard, it is so full of love, it is full of every emotion possible, some we didn't even know we had (and some we wish we never discovered) and curiously I feel like still some part of us is that smaller, firmer person who was so in control of their lives, with so much time to literally sit around and do nothing, looking out at the life we live now, and seriously that person must be gobsmacked, totally freaked out but really really proud.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, you are totally smokin hot, probably even hotter (I never knew you in the day) than ever before. xx
50 whatever-ish comment.. thanks so much for your honesty, it's perfect. so many of us obviously know the feeling!
ReplyDeleteYou have a book deal you're not telling us about, right? Because if I was some fancy pants literary agent I'd be signing you up right now. I'm literally just writing a post about baby books/advice and then I read something like this and I think sod it, I'll just email Em about any questions!! Love your words as always lady xxx
ReplyDeleteOh babe, you must have been a superstar back in the day because I think you are totally gorgeous in every pic we see. I think the hardest thing about kids is realising as you stated that we can only shape them not force them to fit our preconceived ideas of what children should be like. And finding some peace in that as we muddle through it all. Remember , the days are long but the years are short. And in answer to your question, yep apples are definitely a problem. Melx
ReplyDeleteHi gorgeous lady. I love your honesty and your humour. your a doll. bec x
ReplyDeleteDude. That was the best post EVER!!
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderful.
Rach x
Wow...well said. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteyour honesty makes me realise we are all so similar! It was a beautiful honest post that im sure would have felt very courageous to write. Yay! im glad you did!
ReplyDeletexx
Perfectly written. "Two individual people who I can't control, only shape." So true, so scary and so humbling!
ReplyDeleteHappy women's day to you too!
Ronnie xo
p.s. Thanks for mentioning both 'tampon' and 'pelvic thrust' in your comment on my blog. Seriously made me LOL.
Beautiful. Thanks for that!!
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful. You have a way with words. (And I'm sure I've already told you that). It's been a while since visits. Love your blog lift. And despite what you've just said, you just keep getting better and better.
ReplyDeletexx
You know i can only imagine how many of us mothers you have made feel normal with this post. Thanks for your honesty and your gorgeous way of putting it like it is. Loved reading this post. X
ReplyDeletep.s.... i gave you a sunshine award, for those cooler days approaching!
Aww lol - this post has made me laugh and cry in equal measure - as a new mama at the grand old age of 38 I can really relate to this - especially the whiskers teehee :-)
ReplyDeleteLove everything about this xx
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty Ems..this made me smile is that mean of me??
ReplyDeleteIt's just your way with words.
Bek xx
beautiful em!
ReplyDeletemy kid isn't even here yet and i've had a beard for years. xx
I love that you wrote this. Thank you for your honesty!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post Em. You always keep it honest and fresh.
ReplyDeleteThis quote struck me the most- "I am both loved and completely and utterly disrespected each and every day." Sometimes I can't quite get my head around the insane mixture of highs and lows I go through as a mother on a daily basis. I think it is a way of letting us know that it's not the best day to take things too personally ;) (especially when our children like to discuss our apperance!)
A wonderful post - so honest and so so true - thank you and happy international woman's day!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Em.
ReplyDeleteHappy International Women's Day.
Sar xx
i loved this post Em. i love your honesty x
ReplyDeleteLovely Em!
ReplyDeleteIf motherhood was supposed to be easy, I think we would all come with a manual. Hope you have a great week.
xx
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