Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Pear Shaped




With a pointed finger thrust towards the door he shouts 'NO! Go away Mum. I want daddy, you're not my daddy'

 My heart shatters and so our day begins.

We have seen some really positive improvements in the Young Man's behaviour over the past few months. Implementing some of these strategies has been wildly beneficial for all inhabitants of The Beetle Shack but there is one thing that always holds us back. It's always the same- Lack of Dadda time. Whenever Dave needs to leave for work before we rise and comes home moments before the kids need to go to bed, things go pear shaped. Zephie loves his Dadda and is most defiantly one of those kids that thrives being around 'men' doing 'manly' things so when Dave's absence is notable, his behaviour becomes aggressive and unmanageable.

Today was the third day in a row that Dave left before we woke and it was not pretty, not at all. Today more than ever I need to read back over a few parenting books and regain my focus, because I've gotta say- all this instability is making me, well... unstable.

23 comments:

  1. Oh dear. I've had a crappy day too. Tomorrow is a new day. You are a brilliant mum. Xx

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  2. Aaw, chin up! I know things seem really tough sometimes when you have little ones at this age, but trust me, things get easier as they get older. Still busy! But easier in the way that they can talk easier and vent their frustrations. That's half the problem at this age, they just don't know how to get out what they are feeling, so they get angry, and you get frazzled as a result! Hand in there, you are a great Mum.
    Rach x

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  3. Having just moved from Sydney to Perth with my 18 month old twin boys so my husband can work in the mines away from us 9 days at a time I can relate more than you can imagine. Its so bloody hard, just SO hard and thats all i can manage to say right now. AND it really breaks my heart to see my boys try and follow other dads home when we go to the park. They must also thrive on manly interactions.

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  4. Aw poor love, I'm sure it will pass. We too are struggling with some not so positive behaviour.

    xo

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  5. I am hearing you...far out brussel sprout Marcus went back to work this week after 2.5 months off!!

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  6. Our youngest goes through major withdrawals if he doesn't get his regular dadda time in...the hardest thing is they don't understand the somewhat erratic comings and goings.
    Let's hope that tomorrow brings some sunshine to both of you :)

    x

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  7. I hear you. Makes me think about how hard it would be to be a single mum all the time and think why boys go off the rails as teenagers with no father or male figure around. But you my dear should just roll with the punches today and scrap the books. Make something like a big paper mache elephant/monster or something to keep him distracted and refer to my my brilliant parenting advice( ahem) sense of humour, distraction and bribery. x

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  8. Charlie was very much a daddy's boys when he was younger, he would quite often say 'mummy you a stay home and wash up and daddy and I are going on a bike ride!' - yeah, cos that's what I LOVE doing! But now he's at school he misses the both of us equally, and I get so much love from him and his behaviour is calmer and more relaxed. I know everyone says this... but this will pass. Big hugs xxx

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  9. Sucks. Little boys love their daddas. My hubby is doing 8 weeks straight of leaving before kids are up and home after they're in bed :-( I feel your pain. Makes me think about single mummas and hubbies that are soldiers overseas.

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  10. Knowing the reasons helps...but not enough sometimes
    No advice here - just keeping on keeping on
    And the shots are great

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  11. I have read the same book, and I turned page after page nodding...that's my son. My little man is a daddy's boy and when daddy's home I don't get a look in most of the time. We have upsets and the sads that daddy isn't around during the day etc. we have found phone calls to daddy help, drawing pictures and making or collecting things for daddy to help, doing something special for daddy to surprise him when he gets home, Hubby has even sent little videos saying hi to our son so I can play them over. Finally one other thing is we have a photo of him with daddy in his room, sometimes I catch him in his room talking to it. X

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  12. A step back... but it sounds like there's been plenty of forward steps - that's a good thing. Tomorrow is a new day.

    Daddy's working long hours = shit.
    X

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  13. Gosh, this sounds so tough.

    My son is only 11 months old, but my husband also works hours that see him gone before we wake, & home just before Max goes to sleep.

    It's so hard, & heartbreaking.

    Don't you just wish money didn't make the world go round'?

    xx

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  14. Cuddled up together one afternoon and talking about Daddy going to work, my three year old told me "I love Daddy more than you Mummy". Broke. My. Heart.
    I can completely relate to what your feeling xx

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  15. I can relate to the aggressive unmanageable behavior. Its so exhausting because you have to constantly be on the front foot. Can Zephie make calls to daddy during the day? I hope today is better for you. It's nearly the weekend!! Take care of you xx

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  16. my 3 year old son is the same. if he is hungry, tired or wakes in the night - it all about me. but if he doesn't get daddy time - oh dear. it is so hard on daddy too, he won't kiss or cuddle him goodbye when he goes to work - his way of saying i don't want you to go, i guess. we try and make sure there is a good hour or two of daddy & son time on saturday and sunday. that helps alot.X

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  17. There is nothing like Daddy, my guy just loves his dad so much and my other half is away for about 3 months a year so hard on them.

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  18. I totally understand taking this to heart.

    Can you one time without taking to heart - because that can fuel the childs behaviour when they feel angry to continue with it. Just one day say "No I am not daddy" and walk out calmly and just get on with what you need to do? See what happens then. If he comes back and does the "you are not my daddy" ignore till he settles???

    I dont't want to be seen to tell you what to do... just another ay to look at it. Fact is you are not Dad. No need to take to heart...

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  19. Oh bugger, Emily. Reading this, I feel for you. I know only too well the mania that is having little boys missing their Dada. Hubby's hours are ridiculous, but how does one explain that to a 3.5 year old!? It's tough. You'll work through it. He loves you unconditionally, no matter what he may say xo

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  20. Back in Oz my Dave used to work terrible hours as well and while Oli's behaviour wasn't so much affected it was more their relationship that suffered. Do they have designated dad and Zeph time on weekends to do, um, boy stuff together? I hope things improve soon. Have a great weekend at the Beetle Shack! xx

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  21. i love that saying...pear sharped. have you ever tried using a made up story to help him with a particular behavior. it's not super easy to create your own stories, it takes some thought, but children seem to really respond to this approach. you just keep telling the story every night until you see change in the behavior. just a thought. x.

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em