Wednesday, June 29, 2011

When Work Gets In The Way

Work is really full on for Dave at the moment with every daylight hour consumed and most of the evening also. Our previous rituals  have been replaced by a rushed breakfast and a solo 'stand up, skull down' coffee. I have noticed how much the Young Man misses his dadda. When he wakes in the morning he searches the house asking 'where's dadda, mummy?' and shortly afterwards, requests that we go and visit him at the office. We soldier on- playing grip ball, climbing trees and baking cakes.  

It sucks that Dave has to be away for so many hours of the day and it impacts our daily life massively. But what strikes me here is that many would not give a second thought to a man working long hours and being absent from the family home. He needs to provide financially for his people. However, when a mother goes back to work (for whatever her reason) she is often criticised and judged. 

What's the difference, I'd like to know?










15 comments:

  1. Such beautiful photos. I LOVE that little blue cardi. It's all so complicated with the working families. I hate it when Shane's working long hours, not just for Olive, but for me. Some days feel as though they'll never end. You're doing an amazing job! Kellie xx

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  2. That last photo makes my heart smile! Let me know if you need an art buddy to help entertain your kidlets xx

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  3. Great pictures!!

    It is tough when your man works crazy hours. It is like you are a single parent.

    As far as the double standard, I don't know why there still is a double standard.

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  4. It's true, no one gives it a second thought. Unbelievable that these traditional ways of thinking haven't yet expired.
    Paddy works 12 hour days as it is and we're faced with the very real possibility of him having to go and work away at the mines. 2 weeks away and a week home. As a couple, we've done plenty of this - but now that we're three I get a lump in my throat even thinking about him leaving for 2 weeks at a time. That week off together would be bliss, though.

    Hope you get your ritual back soon :) x
    P.S - The Young Man is scrumptious, those rosy cheeks!
    P.P.S - I can see you in that picture of Olive! You might have got a look in, there!

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  5. I returned to work in the IT indsutry that is heavily male dominated (still!) and have had to deal with the men around me judging me because I'm not at home with my kids. Comments like "my wife gave up her career for our kids" don't help. Just because it works for one woman to do that, doesnt' mean it does for me. I HAD to return to work - I'm the higher income earner in our family and without me working, we wouldn't be able to afford our mortgage, even if the kids weren't in daycare! Its also for my sanity - I need my career and that 'me' time and I'm a better mother because I can still be 'me'. I did have 2 years off, and don't plan on doing it again.

    Trouble is, while a lot of the judgement comes from men (as in my case) there is still a lot of judgement from other Mum's because I chose to return to work. I get the impression that they don't think I'm doing right by my kids because I'm not with them 24/7. I like to think my kids are better off because they're learning to socialise and respect authority from someone other than their parents at an early age - hopefully that means an easy transition to school when it comes around. ;)

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  6. A friend of mine has 4 kids and her hubbie works A LOT and when the kids were little they hardly ever saw their Daddy as he would leave first thing in the morning and not be home till dark.
    The kids called him "Daddy Bye Bye" as that was the only thing they used to get to say to him ... Daddy Bye bye.
    Sad but true!!

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  7. Sadly, double standards still exists until now. And sometimes it is the other mums who are so quick to judge. Oh well.

    Anyhow, you have such lovely kids. I saw your house featured over The Boo and The Boy and I just had to pop over.

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  8. My husband is away so much too. Quick coffee in the morning is our precious time. It's so hard.

    I don't know if they're double standards though, it's natural for the woman to be at home with her child, while the man provides. It feels right, and I don't think we should be made to feel bad for giving up careers. I dunno, maybe I've become a little old fashioned in motherhood. But of course, if a woman chooses to work while her partner stays at home, that should be wholly supported, too.

    Sweet pictures. Anna x

    PS. Get a WD backup drive and run it on TimeMachine on your Mac. It backs everything up automatically. I had the same feeling as you so went and got on straight away. I hope they're able to save some of your precious photos.

    Um, sorry for the really long comment.

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  9. you've captured some beautiful pictures of those cute kids of yours!

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  10. great photos that captures so much of the essence of the moment (great for dad to see). It would be great if workplaces made is easier for Dads to be able to be at home at normal hours (like 4pm). it can't be fun for the 'weekend' dads either.

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  11. I know this feeling Emily, my hubby works long hours also. My 3 year old asks at different times throughout the day "when will daddy be home". I think it's pretty sad too.
    I have never felt more strongly about the plight of Mama's returning to the workforce as I do right now. I HAVE to go back to work once my year of maternity leave is up... which is in 2 weeks time! I'm dreading it as it will be a bloody hard slog and also not looking forward to leaving my boys in care :o( I think women these days ironically DON'T have a great deal of choice, as so often we end up being Mama and provider as well. I would never judge another Mama for having a career, no one has the right to, no one knows an individual's circumstance.
    Beautiful pics, your babes are gorgeous :o)

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  12. quit it with the awesome photo thing. i've got a rep to maintain here...

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  13. I don't think there's a difference. My man and I both feel it when we have to work long hours. We are both tired of the 'working mother' title. We are 'working parents' - when will society start thinking the same way? It would sure make it easier on both men and women! x

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  14. I'm glad to see a few people who understand that it's a double standard when it comes to women going back to work. I'll be going back to work after 6 months maternity leave as my husband is studying and I am the income earner door our family. I've had some pretty rude comments made about this and even while I was working lateen this pregnancy. I don't understand why it is because if ny husband was supporting us while I worked to a better future by studying it would be applauded. It is nice to see that not everyone has their head stuck in the past.

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, advice and solidarity.

xo em